Friday, February 11, 2011

an email from caroline


after school and picking up broadway tickets, i decided to take a cab home. because it's cold. and i just felt like it.  it was the best decision i've made today, and probably in a while.  it was the best cab ride i've ever had, and the best $15 i've ever spent. i think i had an angel for a cabbie.  a very wise angel.

when i got in the cab, i remarked that it is a beautiful day, but it's deceiving because it's cold.  then, my cabbie asked about my studies at nyu.  we talked about the 24 hour stomach flu that's going around and a little bit about teaching. then, for some reason, he told me all about his niece that he obviously adores and respects, but it all came together in the end.  he talked about how she fell in love and got married after finishing her bachelor's, but wasn't satisfied with her education, so she continued until she got her phd.  in the meantime, she had 4 kids with her husband (2 of which are twins).  she is now in her 40's, teaches teachers at columbia, and is still happily with her husband.

cabbie talked about reasons to get married. he said i shouldn't marry a man simply because i'm in love and/or the sex is good.  what if we have kids, then fall out of love?  he said that marriage is more than that.  that i should be very selective and marry a man who gives me unconditional love and support.  he said to look at his relationship with his family.  do they get along? do they have unconditional love for each other?  if that is absent, it will be absent in our relationship too.  however he feels about and treats his family is how he will feel about and treat me and our family.

is he responsible?  is he smart? these are necessities for a committed relationship and happy life with one another.  before marriage, i must analyze his responsibility in his own life and finances.    we must be able to support ourselves and a family.  what do i want out of life?  he should want similar things.

PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE.  i can never expect or hope to change someone or expect/hope that they will change.  it simply won't happen, and i would be foolish for thinking so and end up unhappy and exhausted from all of the fruitless work i'd put into trying to change someone.  once again, look at him and his family.  this is how he will be for the rest of his life, and what he'll bring into our family.

then, cabbie wrapped this back around and said to always think about #1: ME.  i have to be able to take care of myself.  i can only depend on one person - me.  and i have to be able to do so.  (he commented that i'm doing a good job so far by getting my masters, and that i seem to know what i want out of life so far, especially with my career.) (he also connected this back to his niece and how she attained her phd and was taking care of herself and thinking about the future) interpersonal relationships are good and necessary for support, but once they aren't supportive or bring me down, cut them off.  don't put too much time into other people's problems, or it will inevitably bring me down in the end.  therefore, i must surround myself with good people.

he kept saying how life goes by so fast and how important it is to choose the right path.  it's easy to screw up and choose the wrong one, so don't take decisions too lightly because this is my life and i only have one.  it's necessary to be academically smart and street smart too.


i can't think of anything else right now.  just a note that this advice/wisdom (as i'm calling it) was completely unprovoked.  i did mention that i have a boyfriend, but that's it.  he wanted to tell me all of this.   it was awesome.  oh, and he seemed to be in his 60's and he had a wedding ring on.  



Ryan said...

I love this advice and want to find this cabbie (maybe even more so than the cash cab!). Great advice.

Caroline said...

i know, right! i felt enlightened after this ride.
i thanked him, and wished that no one with the 24 hour stomach virus got into his cab :)